“I ate snakes to survive”: Crazy Stories as told by my Uber Drivers

I don’t use Uber that often. Usually I walk. Or I take the Metro. But every time I order a car, it’s fun. Should you ever end up being my Uber driver, expect questions. Lots of questions. Because I want to know all about you.

The reason thereof is simple: Uber drivers have the most interesting stories to share! Now, I consider it my duty to spread these stories. So here are a couple of tales, as told by my Uber drivers.

Disclaimer: This post is neither sponsored nor paid. Not by Uber, my drivers, your neighbor, Keith from accounting, or any other entity. 

Ray (52): Spent three days lost in Mexico’s woods

I don’t know why we were talking about the forrest but we did on that night. Kim and I, that is. She was telling me about how she grew up right next to the woods and how she and her brothers would wander around there one night and it’d freak her out. Because trees are creepy when it’s dark. Everybody knows that.

We wanted to check out some club in Hollywood which is why we got the Uber. When our driver, Ray, picked us up, we were still talking about the woods and Kim told me that once, she almost got lost. So I asked Ray if he had ever been lost in the woods. “Yes, one time I was lost for three days”, he said casually. “I had to eat snake to survive.”

Say what!? He recounted that the incident had happened in Mexico. He was eventually found and made it back home safe. I didn’t have time to ask any more questions because we finally arrived at that club. But Ray sure seemed like a badass to me.

Rita (49): Hates everything

One time, the Grinch drove me to Walmart. No kidding. I usually get along well with people (even though Scientology begs to differ). But the ride with Rita was emotionally draining. She lives in Austin but she moved there from some other State I can’t remember, by the way.

So she kicked off the conversation by telling me how much she hated the city: “The food is good, though. Especially the tacos. But have you ever been to Mexico? The tacos are awful there. Taste nothing like the real thing.”

Yep, that’s what Rita said. But she wasn’t only gossiping about Mexican tacos (how dare she!?). We went all the way from cuisine to divorce law. Oh Rita. I just hope you find happiness one day.

Nick (27): Is a full time Uber driver

When some friends and I ordered another car in Austin, Texas, we were surprised to see that our driver Nick had already completed more than 10,000 rides. Naturally, I called shotgun. This way I could ask Nick all about it. Turns out that he’s a full time Uber driver. He used to work for a tech company before that and started out offering rides at night.

Apparently the Uber thing turned out to be very lucrative for him so he finally quit his job, moved to Texas (he’s originally from Cali) and became a professional driver. I asked him how people react when he tells them his job. “Most of the time, they don’t believe me or are extremely surprised”, he said.

German (27): “See that chicken?”

This one’s not necessarily a story, my driver German (you pronounce this name like “Herman”) told me. It’s just an incident that happened when he was driving me home from an event. I was telling him about that party I came from and how all those self-proclaimed influencers sucked the life out of me just a little bit. Because yes, my Uber drivers are also my therapists.

German was a great therapist, by the way. He did a lot of backchannelling such as “Yes… Mhm… Tell me more about it… what happened next?”. So when, all of a sudden, he said “See that chicken?” I was a tad confused for there was no chicken at the influencer party. Except maybe in the tacos they served. They were delicious, by the way. Yes, I’m talking to you, Rita! Anyway.

So we spotted a chicken, crossing a pedestrian walk in Downtown Los Angeles at 3 a.m. in the morning. It was walking like a real gentleman. With lots of grace and pride. It was hilarious to watch. But then again, at 3 a.m. in the morning, I’d probably be entertained by anything.

What’s your craziest Uber story? I’d love to hear about it. Drop a comment or leave me a message!